Guess what...I'm not writing about what I originally planned to write about. I know I said I was going to fill you in on a haka, but I've got a bit more fact checking to do before I'm comfortable putting that piece up. Instead, you're going to get to take a walk down memory lane with me because I realized I have been in New Zealand for six months, and I'm going to talk about adjusting to life in a new country.
Before I left, everyone was giving me tips on how to adapt and what I should and should not do. Everyone also said to "give yourself six months before you decide you don't like living there". I read and researched ways to make life as an expat less difficult, and for the most part, all of the advice was spot on. I did say for the most part. So many times I have read and heard "If you don't like it, you can always move back home." I think that is the worst way to look at making a big move.
I mulled that piece of advice over in my head on several occasions, and one day while washing dishes, it hit me. I won't ever "go back home" for more than visits. I know some of you are thinking "never say never because you don't know what the future holds". No, I don't know what the future holds, but I can tell you if Ben and I ever moved to the U.S., it wouldn't be "going home". Even if we moved back to Alabama, it will not be what I left.
My life is different, my family in Alabama didn't cease to live because I'm no longer there, and my friends have moved on and filled in my empty slot. This doesn't mean that they're less important to me or I to them, but it does mean there's no going back to how things once were. Time didn't stop once I moved away, and things have changed, including me. The glasses that color my world aren't the same, so I would never see my home in Alabama like I use to. When I had this great epiphany, I was saddened by it, initially. It's hard to let go of the past, and life in Alabama is my past.
Letting go of what once was doesn't mean forgetting it, because your past is part of who you are. I thought about that for a bit, and then I cheered up. I will always be a southern girl, but this southern girl knows that she has to live in the present and future. I keep up with my family and friends, but I don't look at my life thinking I can always go back. It's made adapting to life here much easier for me.
Another thing that's made life in another country easier is realizing I'm in another country. So many expats get caught up in trying to make their new home the same as their old home. They don't like the way the New Zealand businesses shut down without notice over summer break, they don't like how kiwis are more concerned with going to the beach than driving a new SUV, they don't like the food, they don't like the dress, cost of living is too high...you get the picture. A lot of expats want here to be like "there". Sorry, it doesn't work like that, and once I realized that, things here became easier for me.
For the most part, I embrace the kiwi culture, and I love most aspects of it. Sure, there are some things I don't love, such as someone offering me tea and it being hot with milk in it, but I don't dwell on things I can't change. I incorporate what I miss into my life, but I don't expect kiwis or New Zealand as a whole to change to accommodate me and my culture. I made the choice to move here, and in doing so, I accepted the responsibility of adapting to a new way of life. I think the quicker expats learn cultural assimilation, the easier they will find life in their new home.
Part of living in a new country also means making friends with the locals. There's a whole lot of foreigners in New Zealand, and you'll also find support groups for expats, forums on the internet, cultural affiliation get togethers, etc. That's great! There's an initial base of support to help transplants get acclimated to their new life, but after a certain point it kinda becomes a crutch. See, a lot of immigrants want to hang out with immigrants, and then they get to talking about the differences between here and where-ever they're from. After that, they start grumbling about things they don't like here. They end up disgruntled, missing 'home', and angry because they expect NZ to adapt to their way of life.
This is why I say get to know the locals. You'll hear some people claim that outsiders aren't welcome, but I can assure you, that's not the case. EVERYONE knows I'm not a local. My accent gives it away, and out of all the immigrants here, I get asked "Where are you from?" I've not had anyone be rude or make snide remarks about Americans. I think it's because I'm rather friendly and don't sit around going on and on about New Zealand's inferiority to my home country. Kiwis are a proud bunch, and they're not going to take kindly to an outsider bashing their country and wanting to make it more like 'home'. The way they see it is if you don't like it here, go back home, they didn't ask you to move here!
Which brings me to another key feature of successful immigration....come here, or there, or wherever you think you might want to live!! I hear and read about so many people that up and move somewhere sight unseen, or in New Zealand's case, sight seen on the big screen. Sure, there are some people that pick up and move to a place they've never traveled to, but for the average person, you're setting yourself up for failure. I didn't move here without knowing what I was getting into. I visited last year, and I didn't stay on the tourist path either. Ben made sure I got to see what life as a local was like. I saw the prices of food, clothes, houses, gas, etc. It's easy to get caught up in the beauty and touristy parts of NZ, but I had to keep in mind life here wasn't going to be as a tourist.
Also part of not being a tourist meant I had to deal with immigration and local licensing authorities. I'm not going to get into what all that entailed right now, but I will tell you that I did so much reading before my sudden move. Do your research before deciding to immigrate, and be prepared to jump through lots of hoops. Don't expect special consideration to be given to you for your particular situation because you won't get it. I have been frustrated numerous times, but I successfully managed to work my way through it.
Now you know what I've done to adapt to life in Aotearoa (Maori for Land of the Long White Cloud aka New Zealand), and I'm sure they can be applied to any move. We'll see if my little bag of tricks are still working for me in another six months, once I'm out of the honeymoon phase.
If any of you have tips to make life in a new place easier, I would love to hear them!!
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